NJ Dining: Ikea Cafe


Ikea
100 Ikea Dr, Paramus, NJ
(201) 843-1881

Ikea
1000 Ikea Dr, Elizabeth, NJ
(908) 289-4488

IKEA. There are very few words in the Swedish languange that inspire absolute terror in the suburban heterosexual male. There’s nothing worse being dragged kicking and screaming to a gaint yellow and blue building the size of a pro football stadium filled with crappy Scandanavian assemble-it-yourself furniture named Billy, Ivar, Klappsta or Ektorp on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and being subjected to throngs of other miserable suburban males and their families. The men here look at each other with identical dejected expressions on their faces, without saying a word, but they all say the same thing — I’d much rather be home with a six pack of beer and melting my fat ass into my De-Luxe Titan Barcalounger watching DirecTV.

Still, IKEA has a small consolation prize, and that’s their excellent cafeteria, which serves inexpensive and tasty Euro/Swedish cuisine, including their incredible meatballs, in a clean and modern Scandinavian atmosphere.

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The blue and yellow labyrinth of Medium Density Fiberboard Furniture hell. All it needs is a good Minotaur or Rancor beast and it would be complete.

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The Ninth Pit of Hell Awaits. Click on the “Read the rest of this entry” link below for more. 


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Ligonberry Preserves

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Scandanavian Rye Crackers

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I’m not sure what these cookies are called, but you want to buy them.

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The menu.

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I think what they are trying to say is you should have the meatballs.

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Shiny Happy People

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There’s something very Horn and Hardartian about this place.

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Daim cake. As if the toffee candy wasn’t evil enough by itself.

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The apple cake was pronounced excellent.

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Ligonberry Drink. At summer camp we used to call this Bug Juice.

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Rachel said the Mac and Cheese tasted like Stouffer’s.

The ligoneberry cake itself was just eh.

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Salmon Plate

The soup of the day, a minestrone, was very good.

The Signature Meatballs with gravy, potatoes, and ligonberry preserves. Yum.

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Why does this feel like an airport lounge?

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The Newark location is great for plane spotting.

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The cafe overlooks the stockroom. Lost Arks of the Covenant can be found in Aisle 34.

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What we came for. Surely you didn’t think I came for the crappy Swedish furniture, did you?

The IKEA Swedish goodies store at the checkout area. A dangerous place to hang out.

Get your pickled herring here.

3 Responses to NJ Dining: Ikea Cafe

  1. Redneck says:

    The Titan Barc-a-Lounger surely ranks as one of the crowning achievements of mankind. Thanks for giving it the stature that it deserves.

  2. Woodsman says:

    Been there, done that. The Ikea by the airport does resemble the lounge at the old terminal. Foods not bad.

  3. Lauren says:

    I go just for the food. The chicken marsala is pretty good, too. But the meatballs kick butt. And good prices. Thanks Sweeden, for your meatballs. Keep your furniture.

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