The Obscene Jedi Master of Turkey Sandwiches

December 1, 2008

turkeysandwichreport by you.

Who is this “Neal”? And why does he love turkey sandwiches so much?

Turkey sandwiches are among my most favorite things in the whole world. In fact, prior to my resignation as President and Chairman of the Fat Pack, virtually every time I visited a diner I ordered a Turkey Club Sandwich, on whole wheat toast, with extra crispy bacon. I would consider myself a master at all forms of Turkey Sandwich construction, an authority on how all Turkey Sandwiches and their derivatives (such as the BLT, which forms the basis for any excellent Turkey Club) should be judged, and I didn’t think it was possible that somebody could be more obsessed with Turkey Sandwiches than I am. But I have discovered that I have a nemesis, and I am outclassed.

His name is Neal Stewart. I’m not sure what this guy really does for a living, or if he’s ever been subjected to a DSM-IV, but this guy is one Turkey Sandwich short of a carving station for a Hassidic wedding. He has dedicated AN ENTIRE BLOG to Turkey Sandwiches. Normally, anyone this obsessed with a single food object I would suggest seeking professional help — like my buddy Adam Kuban over at Serious Eats, who founded A Hamburger Today and Slice.  Adam by all accounts is clearly out of his mind. But compared with “Neal” he’s practically shelf stable.

Neal is funny. Neal is irreverent and foul mouthed. And he’s clearly insane. But this man knows Turkey Sandwiches.


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