The Holiday Light Police

December 11, 2008

holidaylightpolice by you.

It’s that wonderful time of year again. Got any serious violations you’d like to show us? Send your jpeg files to jperlow AT gmail.com. — Jason

Having been brought up Jewish, Rachel and I never had the opportunity to actually decorate our homes with holiday lights. That being said, we appreciate a nice display, and have come to think of ourselves as connoisseurs and critics of the very best (and worst) in holiday light entertainment. Over the years, we’ve developed a set of guidelines for holiday lights. This year, we decided to codify them and to distribute citations (click to download PDF file, if you’d like to issue them too!) to local residences for exceptionally good (and

Click to read the rest of this article at ZDNet Tech Broiler.


No Sushi for You!

December 3, 2008

No Sushi For You by you.

And no, I’m not telling you where this place is. He doesn’t want any more business.


The Obscene Jedi Master of Turkey Sandwiches

December 1, 2008

turkeysandwichreport by you.

Who is this “Neal”? And why does he love turkey sandwiches so much?

Turkey sandwiches are among my most favorite things in the whole world. In fact, prior to my resignation as President and Chairman of the Fat Pack, virtually every time I visited a diner I ordered a Turkey Club Sandwich, on whole wheat toast, with extra crispy bacon. I would consider myself a master at all forms of Turkey Sandwich construction, an authority on how all Turkey Sandwiches and their derivatives (such as the BLT, which forms the basis for any excellent Turkey Club) should be judged, and I didn’t think it was possible that somebody could be more obsessed with Turkey Sandwiches than I am. But I have discovered that I have a nemesis, and I am outclassed.

His name is Neal Stewart. I’m not sure what this guy really does for a living, or if he’s ever been subjected to a DSM-IV, but this guy is one Turkey Sandwich short of a carving station for a Hassidic wedding. He has dedicated AN ENTIRE BLOG to Turkey Sandwiches. Normally, anyone this obsessed with a single food object I would suggest seeking professional help — like my buddy Adam Kuban over at Serious Eats, who founded A Hamburger Today and Slice.  Adam by all accounts is clearly out of his mind. But compared with “Neal” he’s practically shelf stable.

Neal is funny. Neal is irreverent and foul mouthed. And he’s clearly insane. But this man knows Turkey Sandwiches.


Times Square: Naked Cowboys and Charmin Bathrooms

November 30, 2008

Times Square, NYC, Nov 29 2008 by you.

Times Square, New York City.

After finishing up at the MoMA, Rachel and I headed over to Times Square to get tickets for a Broadway show at TKTS. For those of you are aren’t from NYC, that’s where you can get on line to purchase leftover seats for all the famous musicals and shows for half the price. The only thing is you can’t have your heart set on one particular show, you have to chose from whatever is available. However, because of the economy, a LOT of shows are usually available, and I got to see what I wanted, Spamalot.

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Diet Dunkin’

September 21, 2008

Dunkin Donuts DDSMart Low-Cal Breakfast Sandwiches by you.

So here’s the scenario. Sunday morning, 8AM. The power goes out, and we’re hungry.

What do you do?

Do you…

A) Open up the fridge, pull out your Egg Beaters, veggies, and let out out all the cold, and make yourself breakfast (assuming you have a gas range that you can light with a match, which we do)

B) Say to your wife “@!$% this stupid diet. I want a @!$%ing double fried egg with sausage patty, cheese and bagel sandwich with extra ketchup and hot sauce. Lets go to the deli. NOW.”

C) Do “B”, fail miserably, but convince her you want to try Dunkin Donuts’ new low-cal breakfast sandwich instead?

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Honey, go bring the 50lb bag of dog food downstairs…

August 30, 2008

And this is what happened.


Barkmitzvah FAIL

August 26, 2008

fail-barkmitzvah by you.

If this doesn’t qualify as a Faildog of awesome proportions I don’t know what does. Click here for video.


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